Inevitably there will be times when you have setbacks or things don t go your way. Maybe you didn't get a job you thought you were sure to get. Maybe you lost a job unexpectedly, didn't win a contract, or lost a major client. Your car always seems to break down right after you've had some other unexpected expense. These kinds of situations immediately place us in crisis. They don t feel good, but sometimes they re what we need in order to grow. The beautiful thing about crises is that they force us to take a step back and reevaluate what s going on in our lives and rediscover what we truly want and need. When we get over that initial shock and feeling of disappointment, we might realize that maybe that job wasn't really the best for us anyway. Maybe, just maybe, that wasn't what you really wanted to spend your life doing. Maybe that friend was holding you back instead of pushing you forward. The way I deal with crises of these sorts is simple: If something doesn't go my way professionally, I try to create a situation that would be more rewarding than the situation originally planned. A while ago, I was offered a job that looked very promising. After I accepted the offer, they pushed the start date back three times, later informing me (via e-mail) that they wanted to bring me on in the near future but I should feel free to explore other options. I was extremely disappointed. I felt disrespected and angry, but decided to make the best of the situation and follow my dream of working internationally. I then flew to Santiago, Chile and had great professional and personal experiences I wouldn't have had otherwise. Later, reflecting back on the original opportunity, I realized that working for a company that avoids a start date three times and then can t pick up the phone to explain the situation is probably not where I need to spend my time. Use setbacks as an opportunity to put your goals in order and act on them. In the moment, it s difficult to look at a setback as temporary, but they are. They happen to everybody. It s how you respond to them that will determine how they affect you.
Normally, when we talk about networking, we’re talking about growing the number of connections or contacts we have. We discuss clubs, best practices with regard to e-mails, how to follow up, etc. We very rarely talk about one of, I feel, the most important parts of networking: pruning it. When it comes to the people in your network quality is more important than quantity. Many super-networkers may think I’m crazy for saying this, but our brains can only maintain so many relationships at any given time anyway. It’s important that we have room in our lives to maintain the connections that are healthy to us. Many times, it is more difficult to reduce the size of your network than to grow it.
It’s important to realize that networking is not about collecting contacts. People are not trading cards. I think it’s funny when people boast about how many people they have in their phone. Networking is about pooling differing experiences for mutual benefit. That benefit does not have to be monetary or career related. Two friends that encourage each other is a successful relationship. As trees and plants grow, it is sometimes necessary to remove the leaves and branches that or inhibiting growth. Once removed new, stronger leaves and branches grow in their place, leading to a healthier specimen. The same concept applies to people.
As your network grows, you’re sure to come across people who become toxic to you. You might recognize these people. They are the ones who are always negative, the ones who hate to see you do anything successful, and those who do anything they can to hold you back. They are not good for you and need to be removed your your immediate network. You don’t have to cut them out of your life completely, but they shouldn’t be allowed to negatively affect you. Breaking a bond with a person with whom we have a relationship can be difficult, but we sometimes have to rid ourselves of a few bad leaves so we can have room to grow.
“Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
One of my greatest joys is learning. I learn through books, magazines, newspapers, blogs, and experiences. Most importantly though, I learn through people. Everybody has something to offer, something they’ve lived through that I haven’t. I enjoy listening to those stories and hearing a different perspective from that of my own. It’s true that every person is my superior in some way, and I enjoy learning how.
Dear Mom and Dad,
Thank you Mom and Dad for teaching me to always strive for more, to stay true to myself, and always respect others. You selflessly sacrificed so much in order to provide your children with the opportunities you never had. You may not have known at the time, but I was watching.
Dad, one of the greatest lessons I ever learned was the one you taught about never becoming complacent. That no matter how good you are, there is always somebody smarter, faster, stronger…better. You taught me that there’s something to be learned from everybody; that everybody knows something and has experiences that I don’t. That lesson has guided me and opened doors to knowledge and experiences I would not have otherwise had.
Mom, you taught me that nothing worth having comes easy. You taught me that simply dreaming isn’t enough, but that action and determination bring you to your goals. You taught me that setbacks are all part of the game. How you deal with those setbacks determines your future. Because of the work ethic you instilled in me, I refuse to settle for mediocrity.
To both of you, I was watching…
Through all of the times, whether they be good or bad, easy or difficult, you persevered to build the solid base on which I stand today. From your attendance at basketball games and track meets to the sleepless nights working on homework and worrying about me when I wasn’t worried about myself, you were there.
I was watching then and I’m watching now…
Love,
Son