It s a shame I've been sitting on this book for about two years now. A friend of mine gave me Never Eat Alone , by Keith Ferrazzi a couple years ago (thanks Rey), and it s been on my bookcase ever since. It was resting there not because I didn't want to read it, but because I already had so many others in the pipeline. I finally got around to reading it last month and I definitely recommend it. In very simple terms, Ferrazzi explains why networking is important and how to do it. From how to make call lists to planning dinners to personal branding to goal setting, it s all here. He also maintains a valuable blog .
Inevitably there will be times when you have setbacks or things don t go your way. Maybe you didn't get a job you thought you were sure to get. Maybe you lost a job unexpectedly, didn't win a contract, or lost a major client. Your car always seems to break down right after you've had some other unexpected expense. These kinds of situations immediately place us in crisis. They don t feel good, but sometimes they re what we need in order to grow. The beautiful thing about crises is that they force us to take a step back and reevaluate what s going on in our lives and rediscover what we truly want and need. When we get over that initial shock and feeling of disappointment, we might realize that maybe that job wasn't really the best for us anyway. Maybe, just maybe, that wasn't what you really wanted to spend your life doing. Maybe that friend was holding you back instead of pushing you forward. The way I deal with crises of these sorts is simple: If something doesn't go my way professionally, I try to create a situation that would be more rewarding than the situation originally planned. A while ago, I was offered a job that looked very promising. After I accepted the offer, they pushed the start date back three times, later informing me (via e-mail) that they wanted to bring me on in the near future but I should feel free to explore other options. I was extremely disappointed. I felt disrespected and angry, but decided to make the best of the situation and follow my dream of working internationally. I then flew to Santiago, Chile and had great professional and personal experiences I wouldn't have had otherwise. Later, reflecting back on the original opportunity, I realized that working for a company that avoids a start date three times and then can t pick up the phone to explain the situation is probably not where I need to spend my time. Use setbacks as an opportunity to put your goals in order and act on them. In the moment, it s difficult to look at a setback as temporary, but they are. They happen to everybody. It s how you respond to them that will determine how they affect you.
The concept of “lean” applies to more than operations. It only took two full quarters, but I feel I finally made a breakthrough today. I’ve lived the majority of my life afraid to depend on anyone but myself when it comes to my personal life. Professionally, I trust people to do what they do, but I don’t let that carry over in other areas. In developing the leader in me, I wanted to first focus on myself as a person. I learned that by not allowing myself to lean on others, I not only do myself a disservice, but I perform an injustice unto others as well.
Although I’m not ready to jump head first into the water (I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready for that, or that that would be safe), but I have taken steps to dip my toe in the water. Not the big toe, but a toe nonetheless. Today, after weeks of living in distress, losing sleep, and feeling uncertain, I called upon a trusted colleague, professor, and mentor Mary Kay Chess. While explaining some of the things I was going through, I realized a few things. First, I was using the language of feelings. I said things like “I feel unvalued.” Secondly, I saw that others see more than you I knew. Granted, Mary Kay is extremely intuitive and experienced in personal development, she still nailed exactly what I was thinking and going though based on her observations.
So yeah, I’m learning to lean. Understanding that there is a support structure is important to allow myself to be vulnerable. It’s important for me to be able to tune in to my needs. What does it really mean to take care of myself? Is basketball enough? No, it’s probably not. Taking care of myself also means being reflective, lessening the distractions, and learning when it’s time to let go.
Life has its ups and downs. From both there are important lessons to learn. Most of the time this quarter has been good. The last few have been down. What I appreciate most about the down times is that, at least for me, it reconnects me with things about which I’m passionate. When things are going well, it’s easy for me to get caught in the flow. When things are down, I think about more about how I miss writing, traveling, volunteering, running, interviewing interesting people, hanging out with friends, and other thins that bring me joy.
I recently committed to writing a book on personal branding. While many people see personal branding as a way to self promote. I see it as a way to build a reputation based on integrity and an understanding your authentic self. In beginning to write the book, I didn’t start by focusing on social media or networking, but rather ways to learn about one’s self. This requires a person to understand their strengths and their weaknesses. Normally, I say that a person should focus on their strengths and rely on others where they fall short. I still agree this is the best way to share duties in an organization. But when the weakness is inhibiting you from allowing you happiness, it’s something you need to work on.
Learning to lean is a big step for me. Actually practicing will be step two.