It s a shame I've been sitting on this book for about two years now. A friend of mine gave me Never Eat Alone , by Keith Ferrazzi a couple years ago (thanks Rey), and it s been on my bookcase ever since. It was resting there not because I didn't want to read it, but because I already had so many others in the pipeline. I finally got around to reading it last month and I definitely recommend it. In very simple terms, Ferrazzi explains why networking is important and how to do it. From how to make call lists to planning dinners to personal branding to goal setting, it s all here. He also maintains a valuable blog .
Inevitably there will be times when you have setbacks or things don t go your way. Maybe you didn't get a job you thought you were sure to get. Maybe you lost a job unexpectedly, didn't win a contract, or lost a major client. Your car always seems to break down right after you've had some other unexpected expense. These kinds of situations immediately place us in crisis. They don t feel good, but sometimes they re what we need in order to grow. The beautiful thing about crises is that they force us to take a step back and reevaluate what s going on in our lives and rediscover what we truly want and need. When we get over that initial shock and feeling of disappointment, we might realize that maybe that job wasn't really the best for us anyway. Maybe, just maybe, that wasn't what you really wanted to spend your life doing. Maybe that friend was holding you back instead of pushing you forward. The way I deal with crises of these sorts is simple: If something doesn't go my way professionally, I try to create a situation that would be more rewarding than the situation originally planned. A while ago, I was offered a job that looked very promising. After I accepted the offer, they pushed the start date back three times, later informing me (via e-mail) that they wanted to bring me on in the near future but I should feel free to explore other options. I was extremely disappointed. I felt disrespected and angry, but decided to make the best of the situation and follow my dream of working internationally. I then flew to Santiago, Chile and had great professional and personal experiences I wouldn't have had otherwise. Later, reflecting back on the original opportunity, I realized that working for a company that avoids a start date three times and then can t pick up the phone to explain the situation is probably not where I need to spend my time. Use setbacks as an opportunity to put your goals in order and act on them. In the moment, it s difficult to look at a setback as temporary, but they are. They happen to everybody. It s how you respond to them that will determine how they affect you.
Last week I attended orientation for Bainbridge Graduate Institute as a member of Cohort 10 (C10). On the third day, we were asked to have a “silent morning” and reflect on why we have chosen this path. I found a large rock on the shore of Channel Rock and sat there. The following short story is what came to mind as I reflected and meditated:
I didn’t end up where I thought I would. But when I arrived, I knew this was where I needed to be. It wasn’t the view, or the sounds, or the sun that brought me here. In fact, it was slightly cold, slightly murky, and slightly dark. No, it wasn’t those things, but rather it was the feeling that this is where I belonged, here, in this moment—the feeling of peace.
Not long after I arrived did I become acutely aware of the living and non-living beings who welcomed me into their company. “Strangers we are not,” they told me. “For we have been here all along, waiting for your arrival. Welcome.”
Closing my eyes, my consciousness transcended from the acknowledgement of those around me to the connections we share. “We’re not here for you,” they explained. “And you’re not here for us. We’re just here…existing…for each other. For without me there is no you, and without you there is no me. We all come together, and through appreciation, we combine to make this world beautiful. Remember that, as you pursue all of your endeavors. We may appear to be stationary, but we arrived here too, just as you did. We will continue to exist, and the things we do, however inconsequential they may seem, will affect you; just as the things you do, however inconsequential as they may seem, will affect us. Keep that close to your heart, mind, and soul thus we may continue to not only co-exist, but co-appreciate. And please, remember to come visit, for we love you more than you could ever know. If not us, our descendants will be here to welcome back you and yours. Peace.”
So I sat and I thought…and sat…and thought…
The word slight, which I used earlier, suddenly became more significant in my thoughts. Earlier I used slight to describe what I was sensing. Now I realize that it being slightly all of those things helped me reach a higher plane of consciousness. The temperature was just cold enough for me to breathe more shallowly. The wind blew just hard enough for me to feel it. The water flowed just loud enough for me to hear it. The small rocks shifted under my feet just enough to make me feel unsure. The sun was just high enough for me to notice the darkness. They all came together for me to take notice of everything around me. They came together to say, “Hey, we’re here,” and nothing more… “We’re here.”
I guess the word I was looking for was gentle. No, better yet…peace.
