It s a shame I've been sitting on this book for about two years now. A friend of mine gave me Never Eat Alone , by Keith Ferrazzi a couple years ago (thanks Rey), and it s been on my bookcase ever since. It was resting there not because I didn't want to read it, but because I already had so many others in the pipeline. I finally got around to reading it last month and I definitely recommend it. In very simple terms, Ferrazzi explains why networking is important and how to do it. From how to make call lists to planning dinners to personal branding to goal setting, it s all here. He also maintains a valuable blog .
Inevitably there will be times when you have setbacks or things don t go your way. Maybe you didn't get a job you thought you were sure to get. Maybe you lost a job unexpectedly, didn't win a contract, or lost a major client. Your car always seems to break down right after you've had some other unexpected expense. These kinds of situations immediately place us in crisis. They don t feel good, but sometimes they re what we need in order to grow. The beautiful thing about crises is that they force us to take a step back and reevaluate what s going on in our lives and rediscover what we truly want and need. When we get over that initial shock and feeling of disappointment, we might realize that maybe that job wasn't really the best for us anyway. Maybe, just maybe, that wasn't what you really wanted to spend your life doing. Maybe that friend was holding you back instead of pushing you forward. The way I deal with crises of these sorts is simple: If something doesn't go my way professionally, I try to create a situation that would be more rewarding than the situation originally planned. A while ago, I was offered a job that looked very promising. After I accepted the offer, they pushed the start date back three times, later informing me (via e-mail) that they wanted to bring me on in the near future but I should feel free to explore other options. I was extremely disappointed. I felt disrespected and angry, but decided to make the best of the situation and follow my dream of working internationally. I then flew to Santiago, Chile and had great professional and personal experiences I wouldn't have had otherwise. Later, reflecting back on the original opportunity, I realized that working for a company that avoids a start date three times and then can t pick up the phone to explain the situation is probably not where I need to spend my time. Use setbacks as an opportunity to put your goals in order and act on them. In the moment, it s difficult to look at a setback as temporary, but they are. They happen to everybody. It s how you respond to them that will determine how they affect you.
I have absolutely no idea what my I.Q. score is. I’ve never known, and I’ve never really had a strong desire to know. Personally, I don’t find very much value in concerning myself with such seemingly trivial pieces of information. The problem with the I.Q. score is that it is not a valid indicator of the level of success a person will obtain in their lifetime.
This past weekend I went to a bar to watch a college football game (Texas vs. Tech) where we celebrated a friend’s birthday. As the birthday girl was introducing me to her other friends, one of them introduced herself to me by saying, “Hi, my name is (we’ll call her Ashley). My I.Q. is 138. What’s your I.Q.?”
I was so taken aback by her introduction, I didn’t know how to immediately respond without being rude. (Please leave your comment below. I would love to see how you think I should have responded). I wanted to say something along the lines of, “wow, that’s a great line,” but I deferred to, “I don’t know. I’ve never tested my I.Q., but I think what really matters is not the amount of intelligence one has but what one does with the intelligence they have.” Yeah…that conversation didn’t last very long. I’m okay that it didn’t.
Maybe if I.Q. scores really were an indicator of the level of success I could expect to obtain, I’d find it more important to know. But then again, maybe I wouldn’t. After all, success is subjective. What means success to me might not matter to you at all. Some organizations base success on return on investment (ROI). Others base success off of the number of people served. Some people base success on social status. Others focus more on the impacts they make in their communities.
Maybe the real reason I don’t want to know that all-so-important number is that I’m afraid to find out I’m not smart. Maybe I’ve lived my life following dreams that were never supposed to come true for me. What if I find my entire set of goals is a mirage in the desert of life that I’ll never have the ability to reach? Will my performance suddenly drop with this newfound information? Will a lower number anticipated force me to succumb a self-degrading, self-fulfilling prophecy?
On the other hand, what if I find out my number is actually higher than I expected. Will I suddenly realize that I should have done more with my life? Maybe I would become increasingly unsatisfied with my accomplishments. I mean, maybe I would become more motivated. But I could just as likely become so frustrated, that I lose productivity. Would my personality suddenly change with all this new confidence I’d gain from realizing I’m smarter? I don’t think so, but hey, it could happen.
Those questions are hard for me to think about, with answers I don’t want to consider. At this point in my life, I’ve had time to discover my many of my strengths and weaknesses. I know what I’m capable of doing and the areas where I struggle. But what bothers me more is when I think about children, and how placing too much stock in this number effects them. I feel that placing too much emphasis on this I.Q. score is especially damaging to a developing mind, either providing them with an undue sense of pride or equally invalid sense of feebleness. Children respond more positively to praise for effort than praise for innate intellectual capacity. When we give a child a test and propose that their score measures their effort, they score higher than they do when we say the test will measure their intelligence. Do we really want to want to tell our children how successful they will or will not be before they’ve even had the chance to try?
I’m of the camp that believes that we are in control of our destinies, and feel that goal-setting, determination, intuition, drive, awareness, networking, and experiences are better precipitators for success, whatever success might mean to that individual. I like not knowing my I.Q. score. I like learning from the people around me. I enjoy sharing stories and growing from those with different sets of experiences and cultures than my own. On track, in the classroom, and in the workplace, I’ve excelled because I’ve never become complacent. In an era with so much information, sometimes not knowing is the best way to keep striving to do better.
Three Important Questions To Ask Those Around You:
- What am I doing right?
- What am I doing wrong?
- What can I do to improve?
In this previous post I wrote about the importance of closing the feedback loop. Without open dialogue, forward progress is almost guaranteed to halt. Feedback is important in gaining valuable insights to discover how we can improve upon the things we are doing well and fix the things we aren’t. In the workplace, we normally receive an annual review that gives us this information, but once a year isn’t frequent enough to optimize performance. Also, because the review is normally performed by a superior, this review often neglects how your peers feel about your performance. Although most of us don’t want to hear about how we are doing unless it’s positive, an honest assessment is crucial in maintaining professional and personal growth.
One way you can make sure you are being a positive force in your professional and social circles is by asking for a quick evaluation. I wrote these questions in order to get a quick pulse on what the people around me thought of my work. Ask these questions to those above you, below you, and beside you to get a better view of the value you bring. It that it shows you care and want to be the best asset you can be to the people around you. But most importantly, it helps create a culture of openness, reflection, and respect.